sweet as a eucalyptus, terrible as a tempest
visited *loading* times
i haven't been able to understand at all why people say this.
i mean, if you really want me not to lose contact with you, YOU would initiate the keeping in touch. if you really want me to keep you up to date about myself, you would ask me.
when you tell me to keep in touch, the message to me is, i'll wait for whatever news you have about you in the future, but before i hear from you, you won't necessarily hear from me.
i don't know. i never learned to say keep in touch to people.
maybe to them that means i don't want them to keep in touch so they don't. but then if i wanted to keep in touch with them, i would've done so.
it is so difficult to say goodbye to the people who have been good to you. the kindly new boss. the favorite director. i had to endure looking like an idiot because i couldn't help breaking down (not bawling, just tearing up) in front of them.
and crying, that is not something i do. in general, i mean. i did that once when a month-long dream ended. and i looked like an idiot in front of 30 ex-strangers and one busybody immigration officer. my reason then was that the month-long dream was ending. and i had to return to reality. not because i was never seeing the 30 ex-strangers again. well. maybe partly.
i ramble.
of course, they don't know that i'm really crying not because i'm sad that i'm leaving, but because of my real reason for going, which is something they don't need to know.
i would not be crying had there been no hitches and things just ran their natural course. i cry because when they ask me the why's and the where's i can't tell them the real reason. and it is very painful to hide the truth to the people who have been very good to you.
see, i am not anymore the ciao, see you when i see you kind of person. though i have never been the farewell, good riddance kind either.
what happens to you know little lost girl?
