sweet as a eucalyptus, terrible as a tempest
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eunmi's fat analysis:
age: 25
height: 5ft 4.5in
weight: 107.6 lbs (remarks: underweight)
BMI: 18.2
FAT%: 20.1%
BMR: 5034kJ or 1203 kcal
impedance 574 omega (which i don't know what means and forgot to ask)
FAT MASS: 21.6 lbs
FFM: 86 lbs
TBW: 63 lbs (which i also don't know what means and also forgot to ask)
Desirable range
FAT%: 17-24%
FAT MASS: 17.6 - 27.2 lbs (comment: No excess fat)
Bone density result:
Distal radios T-Score: -2.2 (comment: osteopenia)
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I am shrinking!
how is it possible to be eating, nay feasting, and still lose weight?
and yet a fifth of my weight is fat. isn't there something wrong with that?
how can i have osteopenia? just last year, i had my test and i was positively above normal!
all right, i confess i haven't been eating right. i do feast on sundays. but the rest of the days i eat only when i feel the hunger, at night, usually, upon arriving home. i remember complaining of being unable to stop eating because of constant hunger...that seemed ages ago, when i was still interesting. i've forgotten how consuming hunger feels like. i almost never go hungry these days.
i think too much that i've forgotten hunger.
i suspect a mild eating disorder; a psychological anorexia of some sort, where i only eat so i can still consider myself not anorexic. and i eat zero value food. just something to fill my stomach. and make me happy. chocolate. as long as i get my coffee and tea i'm okay. nutrient anorexia.
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wait next week for my ECG results. i just had to find out if the chest pains i feel on rare occasions are not imagined.
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i'm too plunged in black apathetic melancholy to physically want to eat right and exercise.
how've i allowed myself to descend into this labyrinthian depths of despair?
if it were one straight way up i'd know how to climb back up in a second. but a few turns are enough to disorient me; obviously now i'm lost, with no idea of how to regain my old self.
i'm forgetting what i was like.
i don't like this corrupted version of me, too.
